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The decision to file for a divorce is arguably one of the most difficult choices in any married couple’s life, especially when their children are involved. Let’s face it, there is nothing even remotely glamorous about divorce and it will definitely add extreme stress to the lives of the spouses, their friends, their families, and of course their children.
It is a sad part of life that divorce can easily bring out the very worst in people. Hurt feelings and pent up anger will more often than not take precedence over one’s innately good nature. This is the part where the kids suffer the most. It is not their fault and the really young ones end up feeling terribly guilty for something that is not under their control.
Most marriage therapists and counselors typically encourage married couples to do everything in their power to try and work on their issues and problems. If there is no abuse involved, they should challenge themselves to really work to repair their broken marriage instead of choosing divorce as a kneejerk option.
Yes, it is possible that in spite of the very best happily-ever-after intentions, a marriage can become a very unhappy, tense, and conflicted union. As things go from bad to worse, the kids will be able to sense and feel it and it will reflect in their behavior patterns.
There exist various studies that have conclusively pointed to the extremely negative impact of ending a marriage on children. However, many of these seemingly insurmountable problems usually have their roots in the atmosphere of tension and conflict that almost always precede the breakup. If this tension is removed, the causes of the divorce might disappear as well.
The Kinds of Conflict That Impact Kids the Most
There are different kinds of conflict that can lead to severe stress amongst children. They include the following:
oFrequent conflicts and an aura of stress and tension
oHeated arguments leading to raised voices and harsh verbal insults
oPhysical assault and aggression amongst the spouses
oVarious unresolved issues that lead to simmering discontent
oEndless silent treatment between parents
All of the above can cause tremendous stress amongst children who may start projecting the issues on themselves. Many kids are known to take the blame for a divorce, even if the issue has nothing to do with them.
There are times when parents prefer to stay together instead of getting a divorce solely for the kids. A spouse may endure endless abuse to try and make the marriage work for the children. But severe parental conflict can actually turn out to be much worse than a formal divorce.
Conclusion
In light of the above, we can determine that divorce should never be the first option where young or even older children are involved. However, it is a whole lot better to opt for separation instead of bringing the kids up in an atmosphere of extreme conflict.